On your special day

If I could talk to my little self and she can magically understand what I’ll tell her, here are a few things I want her to know as we celebrate another birthday.

Dear little Nikki,

You will grow up to be a tough nut. You’d be taught to be independent and responsible for your actions. You will learn how to take care of yourself but will not be domesticated. You won’t be able to cook. You’d enjoy cleaning though, particularly dishes, perhaps because you like playing with water. If you could redo that part, at least learn to cook. That is kind of essential for your survival. Living on takeout just isn’t the way to go when it comes to life.

You are going to be a tough cookie, a fiesty one at that. You’d look harmless to some but you have the capacity to turn into a bitch in a heartbeat. Don’t know what bitch means? Look it up when you can. You will not accept bullshitting on any terms. You just will not be able to stand it.

In contrast, you will also be a softie who would cry over touching movies, commercials, stories, etc. You can cry easily out of frustration or anger. You will shed tears for heartfelt moments and try not to let anyone see that you’re crying. It’s the tough girl in you trying to mask this unexpected side of you. You will be as hard as a rock on the outside but soft and gooey on the inside. Accept your emotional side. Everything you feel is important, except for guilt, that is.

Actually, you should use whatever guilt you feel over whatever it is that happened to you as a valuable lesson. But don’t cling to it. Don’t let guilt run your life. You will make tons of mistakes. Trust me. You need those challenges to be stronger. Every error will feel like it’s the end of your world but it usually isn’t. Life will go on and you have to be bigger than your mistakes. Take the lessons and make sure to leave the guilt behind.

You will overthink a lot of things. Take it easy. Overanalyzing things usually doesn’t work. You can do more damage than good.

You will crave love and mistake your worth as a human as being reliant on another person. Soon enough you’ll understand that this isn’t true and you’d love yourself. You’d accept yourself and the love you have inside, the love that isn’t anchored on another person. You are never without love in your life. You are never without happiness either.

You come from a family that values and respects you as an individual. Be thankful for that. You have friends that love you unconditionally. Treasure them as they treasure you.

You will end up in places you least expect but are actually necessary checkpoints in your life. It all works out as it should be. Stop resisting.

Be thankful for the life you have. Not everyone is as lucky as you. Always be grateful. Stay strong and be love.

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