I’m not sure if I bounce back quickly or I’m just terribly fickle but setbacks or obstacles or whatever it is you want to call them have me jumping right on board the “Okay, time for Plan B” and at the same time, reeling back thinking “Will I ever be enough?”
It is a strange mix of optimism and pessimism. While I’m clearly an advocate for good, positive thoughts, I do agree with words said by Augustus in John Green’s The Fault In Our Stars:
That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.
I am thankful for a lot, and I mean A WHOLE LOT, of things in my life. I can choose to look back to the past six months of this year alone and I can already see all the blessings and love that have been given to me. But 2013 has also been a very painful year for me—personally and professionally. I understand that this pain I feel is necessary to become stronger because pain is always meant to teach me how to pick myself up. However, I also understand that before I can become stronger, I have to admit that I am weak. And clearly I have felt weak, discouraged, and lost as of late.
But I don’t want pity from whoever is reading this now. That is the last thing I want. What I want is empathy. I think it is right to show vulnerability and weakness sometimes to let other people know that they are not alone. We all have weak moments where we think that’s it for us and it’s finally rock bottom. But I’d like to think rock bottom is a temporary state. You pick yourself up and you try again, which, of course, is what I intend to do. It’s just the pain I feel is demanding to be felt now since I have denied it for far too long.
Photo credit to We Heart It