Belief in things turning out as it should. That is what I want for the New Year.
2013 was tumultuous, to say the least. The highs were really great things but the lows just shook me to the core. I emerged from every single situation a different person. I can’t say I became a better person because I felt myself hardening and growing cynical as time passed.
I was ready to lock myself up and fortify the walls I had built around me. Shut everything out, don’t feel the pain, and just go on auto-pilot. I was surviving yet I was not living.
I gave up so many things this past year both in the personal and professional realms that I wasn’t even sure I was going to recover from what I had lost.
Fairly dramatic? Yes. But I’m the type of person who feels too much. I magnify my ordeals and have complete disregard for those moments of pure joy because I think I deserve to be happy and that should come naturally but I don’t deserve to feel pain. But who doesn’t feel that at one point or another?
But I guess there was that one minute part of me that still refuses to give up. It’s tiny but it’s fighting like hell to remind me that everything happens as it should. It reminds me to keep my faith and hope in things unraveling as they are supposed to.
And that part is what I want to fight for in 2014. I want to keep my hopes and beliefs in things working out as they should.
To believe that I will get the success I deserve because I worked for it and not because it will just magically turn up somewhere.
To believe that I will always have the support of my loved ones because I will always be there to back them up and respect their life choices.
To believe that every challenge and setback I go through is just a temporary road block and not the be-all and end-all of my life and they are there to make me so much better than I have ever been.
To believe that romantic love is out there for me. It has eluded me all my life but I know it’s just out there somewhere. I won’t go out there and force it though. I believe that it will come when it chooses to.
I refuse to shut myself out in the New Year. I want to live life openly and feelings things I should and being happy and being broken and having everything in between because that is how life is supposed to be lived.
Of course, I wish that for all of you. Have an amazing 2014!
Image credit: The Love Notebook, found here